Body dysmorphic disorder is a brain disorder that can cause people to have unrealistic, negative thoughts about their bodies. Here, ultra-runner Tim Tollefson describes his experience with body dysmorphic disorder and an eating disorder and how they relate to his athletic career.
Tim Tollefson is a professional ultra-runner, a two-time Olympic marathon trials qualifier and a three-time USA Track and Field trail national champion. But what most people don't know is that despite his success, Tollefson has battled with body dysmorphic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and an eating disorder for 20 years.
He is currently in recovery from these issues that have caused him to have a distorted perception that his body is flawed. He has missed work, avoided photoshoots and skipped social events because he is often suffocated by the thought of being seen in public.
Tollefson, now 38 years old and living in Mammoth, California, struggles with the paradox of fighting his disorders while competing as an elite runner. He sees himself through a lens that doesn’t match reality, and he tries to "fix" what he considers to be problems with his body. While competing, he prefers races that start in the dark so that he looks more "fit to be seen" by the time he is running in daylight.
“If I had a race that started at night, I could basically spend 10 to 12 hours in darkness engaging in one of the disordered behaviors I had as a tool to try and change my body,” Tollefson says. “And at some point, as I enter the light, I feel that I fixed what I perceived to be unacceptable, and I was more ‘OK’ with being on presentation.”
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